Title: Hermione’s Crazy Idea
Summary: The gang takes a break from hunting down Horcruxes to discover what cool and awesome powers Harry will come into on his seventeenth birthday. The results are rather disappointing.
Author’s Notes: You know all those inheritance stories where Harry’s inheritance turns him into some magical, sexual creature, and he pretends to hate all the attention but secretly loves it because he’ll hook up with his one true secret love? This ain’t one of them. By the way, I made up the name of the creature, so if it really means something in another language, I want to apologize in advance for any accidental insults.
“I’m some sort of male Veela, then?” Harry asked, looking up from the pale blue potion. He snorted at Ron and Hermione’s shocked faces-the bushy haired girl’s mouth kept opening and closing as she tried to speak, and Ron’s face had gone pale-before wrapping a handkerchief around the cut in his palm.
“Harry, Mecillizas draw in everyone,” Hermione said, seemingly baffled by Harry’s nonchalant attitude. “You’ll have everyone from Snape to Voldemort to Skeeter trying to bugger you!”
Ron winced at Voldemort’s name and out right gagged at Skeeter’s, but he spoke anyway. “Mate, you don’t understand. Everyone will want you after your inheritance hits.”
Harry rolled his eyes. “And how is that different from my life now? It’s just that people will stare at my arse instead of my scar. If you think about it, it’s actually a nice change. I have a damn fine arse. I wish more people would look at it.”
“You’re nutters,” Ron muttered as Harry vanished the potion. Harry just shrugged in reply as he flipped through the book they were using, looking for something.
Hermione blinked in confusion as Harry calmly refilled the cauldron with water and began chopping daisy roots. “What are you doing?”
“Working on the antidote to the attraction. As fine as my arse is, I don’t want you and Ron staring at,” Harry said, shuddering. “You’re family.”
Ron nodded and grabbed the beetles. “Good idea. I don’t need Ginny hexing me for looking at her property.”
Laughing, Harry threw a frog brain at Ron. “And I don’t need Hermione hexing me for making you look at my arse.”
“Boys,” Hermione muttered half-heartedly, taking the jar of frog brains from Harry. Sitting down on her stool, she put the brains back on the table, far away from Harry and Ron. As she began stirring the potion, a strange idea occurred to her, one that seemed less and less strange as she thought about it. “Maybe we can use this.”
“What, throw the cauldron at Snape’s head?” Ron suggested.
“No, Harry’s inheritance,” Hermione said patiently. “Like you said, everyone will be attracted to him. If we run into Death Eaters, all we have to do is throw Harry in front of them, and they’ll take each other out to get to him.”
Harry scowled at her. “Should I get a dress to go along with this crappy romance novel idea?”
“If you think it will help,” Hermione said sweetly, sounding way too much like Umbridge for the boys’ comfort.
Harry and Ron started moving even faster, determined to get the potion made before midnight. No way in hell were they going through with Hermione’s idea.
Tags: au, gen, hp, one shot